LESSON 10 Pirkei Avos (Ethics of the Fathers) 1:17 and 1:18
By Rabbi Dovid Gross
Don't Say a Word
Introduction
In today’s society, being described as “a man of few words” isn’t necessarily a compliment. The media glorifies the “talking heads” and the “king of the one-liner.” The Torah offers us a different perspective; rather than always trying to provide the perfect sound bite, it’s often preferable to take a bite out of sound.
Text of Mishna:
17. Shimon, the son of Rabban Gamliel, said: “ All my days I have been raised among the wise and I found nothing better for the body than silence; not preaching, but practicing is the main thing; and one whom talks excessively brings on sin.”
18. Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel said: “The world endures on three things- justice, truth, and peace, as it says ‘Truth, justice and peace you should judge in your gates'.”
Quick Questions
- In Mishna 17, when advocating the value of silence, why did Shimon preface his remark by saying, “all my days I have been raised among the wise”?
- Is there any connection between what Rabban Shimon said in Mishna 17 about the value of silence and what he says in Mishna 18, that the world endures because of justice, peace and truth?
- What are the advantages of silence in the face of insults and criticism?
Key Commentaries
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The wise view their mouths and power of speech as instruments of holiness that require special care and handling.
Even the Sages, who are generally positive and favorable toward others in their speech, advise that silence is often preferable. In the realm of Torah study, which is the primary occupation of the Sages, walking the walk is more important than just talking the talk. (Rabbeinu Yonah)
- The Talmud states elsewhere (Chulin 89a) that the world exists for the sake of those who control their mouths during a fight. Perhaps this is directly connected to the teaching of Mishna 18, that the world endures due to truth, justice and peace; achieving a truthful, just and peaceful outcome sometimes requires one to remain silent rather than delivering a rebuttal.
- One never regrets remaining silent. The same can’t be said for everything we say. (Chazon Ish)
When a wise man was asked why he chose to remain silent despite the fact that he was being insulted, he responded, “If I respond to them, I’m afraid that it will only elicit even worse insults.” (The Ways of the Righteous)
The silent treatment often annoys your antagonist even more than a sharp retort. (The Ways of the Righteous)
“I will not engage in a fight where the one who is victorious is really the loser.” (Meiri)
Practical Applications
- The Talmud (Gittin 56a) teaches that the strength of G-d is manifest through His non-reaction to the insults and blaspheming of the wicked. Elsewhere, the Midrash states that one who remains silent in the face of insults is called pious and a partner of G-d. Perhaps this is because G-d says to such a person, “Wwelcome to the club!”
- “While a good word is worth one ‘selah’, silence is worth two.” (Megillah 18a)
- “The best remedy of all is silence.” (Ibid)
- One day, as Rabbi Aharon Kotler, of blessed memory, the founder of the Lakewood Yeshiva, held his telephone receiver, his face began to turn red. Rebbetzin Kotler sensed that something was wrong and quickly picked up the other extension to hear what was going on. The party on the other end of the line was angrily berating the venerable rabbi, who just listened. The rebbetzin ran over to her husband and begged him to hang up the phone. Instead, Rabbi Kotler waited until the man finished, said a polite goodbye and then hung up.
Rabbi Shmuel Faivelson, a disciple of Rabbi Kotler, related that he personally witnessed how someone berated Rabbi Kotler for fifteen minutes straight and he [Rabbi Faivelson] couldn’t bear it. “The Rosh Yeshiva just sat there quietly. He didn’t say a word! It seems he held that this was the proper thing to do at that time for the sake of Torah and to maintain peace. Yes, it was the strength of silence, remaining silent when necessary.” (Quoted in “The Legacy of Rav Aharon Kotler”)
- Perhaps Michael ‘Cosmo Kramer’ Richards would still have a career to speak of if he had remained silent while members of the audience heckled him during his comedy act.
Resolutions
- “I will demonstrate strength through silence by trying not to respond to every insult or negative comment directed towards me.”
Review Questions
- When is silence a proper response?
- How can practicing silence improve your character and relationships?
Points To Ponder
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If someone were insulting one of your close friends or relatives in your presence, would it be commendable to remain silent, just as you would if they were insulting you personally?
