LESSON 9 Pirkei Avos (Ethics of the Fathers) 1:15 and 1:16
By Rabbi Yisroel Tzvi Serebrowski
Associate Director of Torah Links of Cherry Hill

Topic of the Week
The Laws of Attraction

Introduction

As social creatures, we all have an intense desire to be well-liked and respected by our peers. The ability to win friends and influence people is a prized art form. We spend a lifetime training ourselves to consistently put our best foot forward in business and social settings. An underappreciated formula for success in all our relationships begins with simply relaxing our facial muscles. The good feelings and warmth created by a pleasant countenance break down the barriers of suspicion and mistrust between strangers and build feelings of mutual respect and love between friends.

Text of Mishna:

15. Shammai says: Make your Torah study a fixed practice; say little and do much; and receive everyone with a cheerful face.

16. Rabban Gamliel said: Provide yourself with a teacher, and free yourself from doubt; and do not make it a practice to give tithes by guessing.

Quick Questions

Key Commentaries

• Shammai is offering us practical advice: If you want people to like you, or if you want people to listen to you and value your opinion, create a comfortable environment; be cheerful in the presence of others, smile at them, show them that you respect them, and the positive energy you exude will be reciprocated. (Rabbeinu Yonah)

  If a person gives his friend all the money in the world, but does so with a sour expression, it’s as if he gave him nothing; however, a person who greets his friend with a pleasant countenance, even if he gives him nothing else, it’s as though he gave him all the money in the world. (Avos of Rabbi Nosson)

  Even if you have made great strides in your Torah studies and have realized much personal growth, do not disassociate yourself from others who have not done so. Receive them with joy, draw them close and they too will see the beauty and balance of a Torah based way of life. (Medrash Shmuel)

  At times, it may be genuinely difficult to greet a person warmly. When faced with this situation try to at least pretend to welcome his presence. If, through your conduct, the person feels that their company is welcomed, you have fulfilled the teaching of this Mishna. (Rabbi Yitzchak of Vorka)

Practical Applications

• When our forefather Yaakov met the Pharaoh of Egypt, the king was astounded at his seemingly very advanced age and politely asked him “how old are you?” or “why do you look so old and worn down?” Our Sages teach us that Yaakov was indeed punished for failing to maintain a cheerful disposition and thereby prompting Pharaoh’s question. Yaakov allowed his painful life experiences to negatively impact his whole being. The Torah teaches us that despite the myriad challenges we face, we should maintain a positive outlook that should be reflected in the bounce in our step and the smile on our face.

  It was Erev Yom Kippur just prior to the Kol Nidrei service. The great sage, Rabbi Yisroel Salanter, asked one of his acquaintances a question. Bogged down with the intensity of the impending Holy Day, the man did not respond.

  Rabbi Salanter said to him, “Why do I have to suffer just because you are nervous about your judgment?”

  Our face is considered a “public domain.” We can’t see our expressions, but those around us do. Rabbi Salanter is teaching us that as the “coordinator” of a “public billboard,” we have an obligation to use our facial expressions to create good cheer and happiness.

Resolutions